FairyTales
Tell me again the fairytale where you come back to me. The one where you
weren't with someone else, but innocently lost at sea. Whisper in my ear the
story of how I swept you off your feet, and how there's no comaparison between
me and the women you meet. Cover my lips with yours to stop them from exposing
the lie. Wrap your hands around my heart to keep it from breaking when you say
goodbye.
Tell me again the fairytale where you come back to me. The one where you
weren't with someone else, but innocently lost at sea. Whisper in my ear the
story of how I swept you off your feet, and how there's no comaparison between
me and the women you meet. Cover my lips with yours to stop them from exposing
the lie. Wrap your hands around my heart to keep it from breaking when you say
goodbye.
Here's a little ditty I wrote years ago
after almost dying from heart failure. Don't worry, I lived and the poem isn't
sad!
Not With God
I opened my eyes one day and saw myself on
a hospital bed.
There were nurses all around and I feared I was dead!
But I caught sight of myself thrashing violently around,
My heartbeat
suddenly the only sound.
It was pounding far too fast, like a hummingbirds
th...in
wings.
I watched as the nurses shouted and injected me with things.
I
heard my voice begging for help,pleading for some air.
My lungs all filled
with fluid, no vacancy for oxygen there.
"This is what you get!" I said.
"This you deserve"
To die surrounded by strangers at 25 seems absurd!
"You better look for God before we find the bright light!"
"For all we've
done to ignore him, alone we can't win this fight."
I felt the darkness fall
over me. I lost sight of my body on the bed.
I no longer heard my heartbeat,
and I was sure that we were dead.
My eyes opened again that day, and saw not
God but a nurse.
So happy not to be with the Lord, I wrote this little
verse!
after almost dying from heart failure. Don't worry, I lived and the poem isn't
sad!
Not With God
I opened my eyes one day and saw myself on
a hospital bed.
There were nurses all around and I feared I was dead!
But I caught sight of myself thrashing violently around,
My heartbeat
suddenly the only sound.
It was pounding far too fast, like a hummingbirds
th...in
wings.
I watched as the nurses shouted and injected me with things.
I
heard my voice begging for help,pleading for some air.
My lungs all filled
with fluid, no vacancy for oxygen there.
"This is what you get!" I said.
"This you deserve"
To die surrounded by strangers at 25 seems absurd!
"You better look for God before we find the bright light!"
"For all we've
done to ignore him, alone we can't win this fight."
I felt the darkness fall
over me. I lost sight of my body on the bed.
I no longer heard my heartbeat,
and I was sure that we were dead.
My eyes opened again that day, and saw not
God but a nurse.
So happy not to be with the Lord, I wrote this little
verse!
Finding Him
Some things in life are linear she thought as she pushed open the
door. The familiar sights and
sounds engulfed her like a womb. She hated that coming here always felt like
coming home. Perched at the far end, her fingers rode the rough edges of the
lovers brail, tattooed into the lacquered bar top. From here she could see the
whole crowd.
Tonight would be the night, tonight she would find him. How many bars?
How many nameless men had she passed over, or sometimes through it seemed over
the past year?
The wrinkles around her eyes pulled together as she squinted through the
haze. The low hanging smoke, dazzled by the flashing neon gave each of the men a
shellacking of what she was looking for.
Not tall enough, too old, too many tattoos, brown eyes not the velvety
green she longed for. As she crossed the men off looking over them her heart
felt heavier. She had begun optimistically; dressing in her Sunday best, gliding
from bar to tavern all over town, each night promising herself tonight was the
night she’d find him. Tonight had turned into tomorrow had turned into next
week. How many times over the past few years had she done this? He was out there
somewhere, he always was, and she would find him or die
trying.
A slight head nod to the burly man behind the bar got her a scotch and
water. The glass slid smoothly toward her like a freight train full of her past.
The cold clink of the ice as hand and glass collided chilled her. Wasn’t this
tiny insignificant glass half the reason she was sitting all alone?
She fought the stinging of tears with the burn of cheap alcohol. The
empty glass sat mocking her. There was a ghost of pale pink lipstick clinging to
the rim. She wondered about the woman whose lips had preceded hers. What had she
been drinking? Why had she been
drinking?
Another nod, another glass of disappointment and watered down liqueur
filled her palm. Three drinks later and a dozen polite rejections to the off
work construction crew, she slid shakily from her wooden perch and veered toward
the ladies room.
Cold water ran over her hands as she tried to wash tonight’s failure off
of her skin. Maybe tomorrow she said as her eyes fell onto the sad reflection
weeping back at her. Where had all the time gone? It seemed so very long ago
since she first lost him. Ages since they laughed and ran in the warm sunshine.
She bit her lip recalling his smile, his fierce green eyes, the Irish lilt that
would not leave his tongue even after so many years in America. To her, he was
Superman, and she was just a lost little girl waiting for a hero, but somehow,
somewhere along the way he had forgotten to save her.
She turned her gaze to the empty towel dispenser, frustration pursing her
lips. As she pushed the swinging door open thinking maybe tomorrow, her ears
latched onto a familiar sound just beneath the hum of the
bar.
“Top o’the morning to ya boys.”
The air caught in her lungs, as more tears threatened to break camp and
invade her cheeks. Topped off with doubt and afraid of disappointment she turned
the corner, like a sudden flash of lighting on a clear night, there he stood.
Her heart clenched inside her chest. Would he go home with her? Would he
yell and put up a fight? Would he be too drunk to know her? She sucked in stale
bar air through scotch coated teeth and trudged toward the complete unknown.
Without a word she put her hands on his shoulders and kissed his cheek
still cold from the night air. His green eyes sparkled back at her, his smile
the same as always stretched across his jaw. He nodded as if he could read her
mind. His eyes were a storm of past, present and booze. He rose taking her hand
in his; together they headed for the exit that would release them for now, until
the next time. How many times had he forgotten about her, but never about the
booze?
“Momma, its Karen,” she spoke quickly into the phone, “I found
Daddy.”
Her fingers brushed for a second across the
Alzheimer’s id bracelet hanging from his small knobby
wrist.
“I missed ya,” he whispered as they drove, she sobbed silently, relieved
he remembered her at all.
Some things in life are linear she thought as she pushed open the
door. The familiar sights and
sounds engulfed her like a womb. She hated that coming here always felt like
coming home. Perched at the far end, her fingers rode the rough edges of the
lovers brail, tattooed into the lacquered bar top. From here she could see the
whole crowd.
Tonight would be the night, tonight she would find him. How many bars?
How many nameless men had she passed over, or sometimes through it seemed over
the past year?
The wrinkles around her eyes pulled together as she squinted through the
haze. The low hanging smoke, dazzled by the flashing neon gave each of the men a
shellacking of what she was looking for.
Not tall enough, too old, too many tattoos, brown eyes not the velvety
green she longed for. As she crossed the men off looking over them her heart
felt heavier. She had begun optimistically; dressing in her Sunday best, gliding
from bar to tavern all over town, each night promising herself tonight was the
night she’d find him. Tonight had turned into tomorrow had turned into next
week. How many times over the past few years had she done this? He was out there
somewhere, he always was, and she would find him or die
trying.
A slight head nod to the burly man behind the bar got her a scotch and
water. The glass slid smoothly toward her like a freight train full of her past.
The cold clink of the ice as hand and glass collided chilled her. Wasn’t this
tiny insignificant glass half the reason she was sitting all alone?
She fought the stinging of tears with the burn of cheap alcohol. The
empty glass sat mocking her. There was a ghost of pale pink lipstick clinging to
the rim. She wondered about the woman whose lips had preceded hers. What had she
been drinking? Why had she been
drinking?
Another nod, another glass of disappointment and watered down liqueur
filled her palm. Three drinks later and a dozen polite rejections to the off
work construction crew, she slid shakily from her wooden perch and veered toward
the ladies room.
Cold water ran over her hands as she tried to wash tonight’s failure off
of her skin. Maybe tomorrow she said as her eyes fell onto the sad reflection
weeping back at her. Where had all the time gone? It seemed so very long ago
since she first lost him. Ages since they laughed and ran in the warm sunshine.
She bit her lip recalling his smile, his fierce green eyes, the Irish lilt that
would not leave his tongue even after so many years in America. To her, he was
Superman, and she was just a lost little girl waiting for a hero, but somehow,
somewhere along the way he had forgotten to save her.
She turned her gaze to the empty towel dispenser, frustration pursing her
lips. As she pushed the swinging door open thinking maybe tomorrow, her ears
latched onto a familiar sound just beneath the hum of the
bar.
“Top o’the morning to ya boys.”
The air caught in her lungs, as more tears threatened to break camp and
invade her cheeks. Topped off with doubt and afraid of disappointment she turned
the corner, like a sudden flash of lighting on a clear night, there he stood.
Her heart clenched inside her chest. Would he go home with her? Would he
yell and put up a fight? Would he be too drunk to know her? She sucked in stale
bar air through scotch coated teeth and trudged toward the complete unknown.
Without a word she put her hands on his shoulders and kissed his cheek
still cold from the night air. His green eyes sparkled back at her, his smile
the same as always stretched across his jaw. He nodded as if he could read her
mind. His eyes were a storm of past, present and booze. He rose taking her hand
in his; together they headed for the exit that would release them for now, until
the next time. How many times had he forgotten about her, but never about the
booze?
“Momma, its Karen,” she spoke quickly into the phone, “I found
Daddy.”
Her fingers brushed for a second across the
Alzheimer’s id bracelet hanging from his small knobby
wrist.
“I missed ya,” he whispered as they drove, she sobbed silently, relieved
he remembered her at all.
I am deafened by the shrill scream of the girl I use to be in my ear. Her
stomping juvenile feet kick my heart making it jump, her excitement fills my
chest making it hard to breathe.
"it's him, it's him , it's him" she chants in my ear
The woman I am now frowns trying to ignore both the past and her endless ranting.
The girl I use to be loved him, his smile, his eyes, his laugh, his total
ignorance of her love.
The woman I am now tries not to look, same smile, same laugh, she thumbs her
wedding band, the woman I am now loves a different
man.
As we pass, the girl I was, the man he is, the boy he was and the woman I am,
my insides swirl and collide, my heart a fatality in this wreck.
The girl I was and the boy he is no more lock eyes. The woman I am
can see the man he is fighting the past as hard as I
am.
The boy he was and the girl I use to be scream to be set free, to run into
each other’s older arms. As the man and who I am now throw awkward
smiles and safe weather observations at one another, words like hand
grenades fall around us. We tip-toe through verbal landmine fields,
trying not to set anything off.
Smiling
through the passionate screams of the girl I use to be "what if , what if
what if....he was the one"
We
turn to walk away, back to the lives we have now, tearing the past lives we
shared apart. I can hear the girl I used to be sobbing, cursing the woman I am
now for being moral instead of spontaneous. I glance back and catch him looking
too, he was the one I whisper to the girl, but that was another life time.
I take us all home, her and me who we are and who we use to be. She sighs and
lets the boy’s memory free, as the woman I am sighs and thinks, "until we meet
again".
stomping juvenile feet kick my heart making it jump, her excitement fills my
chest making it hard to breathe.
"it's him, it's him , it's him" she chants in my ear
The woman I am now frowns trying to ignore both the past and her endless ranting.
The girl I use to be loved him, his smile, his eyes, his laugh, his total
ignorance of her love.
The woman I am now tries not to look, same smile, same laugh, she thumbs her
wedding band, the woman I am now loves a different
man.
As we pass, the girl I was, the man he is, the boy he was and the woman I am,
my insides swirl and collide, my heart a fatality in this wreck.
The girl I was and the boy he is no more lock eyes. The woman I am
can see the man he is fighting the past as hard as I
am.
The boy he was and the girl I use to be scream to be set free, to run into
each other’s older arms. As the man and who I am now throw awkward
smiles and safe weather observations at one another, words like hand
grenades fall around us. We tip-toe through verbal landmine fields,
trying not to set anything off.
Smiling
through the passionate screams of the girl I use to be "what if , what if
what if....he was the one"
We
turn to walk away, back to the lives we have now, tearing the past lives we
shared apart. I can hear the girl I used to be sobbing, cursing the woman I am
now for being moral instead of spontaneous. I glance back and catch him looking
too, he was the one I whisper to the girl, but that was another life time.
I take us all home, her and me who we are and who we use to be. She sighs and
lets the boy’s memory free, as the woman I am sighs and thinks, "until we meet
again".
My Grandfather was an amazing man. A WWII fighter pilot, a farmer, mathmatical genius, kind hearted, fearless and honest. He was everything I have ever wanted to be.We lost him long before he ever left us. Even in the grip of Alzthimers he was witty and sweet.
Grandpa
The last pictures I took of him were black and white, because he was
already a memory, even as he sat breathing right infront of me.
Now he is a collage in my dreams, where giant rooks and castles fall to the guns of WWII
planes. Whispering his name brings ancient songs to my lips.
I've got six pence
jolly jolly sixpence.
Songs I haven't heard since.
I looked into the deep lines of his face, a smiling road map for life. Work hard, work honest, be
loyal, be fair, always always go the extra mile.
I still have so much left to learn but God's called him away.If only I'd known, I'd have sat by him til
the last day.
Grandpa
The last pictures I took of him were black and white, because he was
already a memory, even as he sat breathing right infront of me.
Now he is a collage in my dreams, where giant rooks and castles fall to the guns of WWII
planes. Whispering his name brings ancient songs to my lips.
I've got six pence
jolly jolly sixpence.
Songs I haven't heard since.
I looked into the deep lines of his face, a smiling road map for life. Work hard, work honest, be
loyal, be fair, always always go the extra mile.
I still have so much left to learn but God's called him away.If only I'd known, I'd have sat by him til
the last day.
He Doesn't
He walks the wings of a
plane that hasn't flown since 1945, in his mind that hasn't seen today in
years.
His yesterday a hostage of war, where he has no allies and no
fears.
I remember how he stood like a bright tomorrow on the dim horizon of
my childhood.
Everything I ever wanted to be or hoped I would.
I remember
the feel of the giggles as he held me with one hand over his head,
I could
see the world, the stars, I could see where the road to tomorrow led.
I remember he was the safe haven from the slithering death in the house of
chickens,
the final word on everything,the hero of everyday, a masterpiece
built from slim pickens.
I remember the car rides to golden arched places,
just so he could sneak a smoke,
only to be ratted out as soon as we got
back,.
But we never stopped going.
I remember how he made snow a meal and
a poor girl a princess.
I remember,
I remember,
I still remember how
now he smiles politely fumbling with feelings that find no hold in his
brain,
as he fights endlessly with the shard of memory that only cuts his
heart as he tries to hold on in vain.
I remember
I remember
I wish I
didn't remember forever how it would be,
how now he doesn't even remember
me.
He walks the wings of a
plane that hasn't flown since 1945, in his mind that hasn't seen today in
years.
His yesterday a hostage of war, where he has no allies and no
fears.
I remember how he stood like a bright tomorrow on the dim horizon of
my childhood.
Everything I ever wanted to be or hoped I would.
I remember
the feel of the giggles as he held me with one hand over his head,
I could
see the world, the stars, I could see where the road to tomorrow led.
I remember he was the safe haven from the slithering death in the house of
chickens,
the final word on everything,the hero of everyday, a masterpiece
built from slim pickens.
I remember the car rides to golden arched places,
just so he could sneak a smoke,
only to be ratted out as soon as we got
back,.
But we never stopped going.
I remember how he made snow a meal and
a poor girl a princess.
I remember,
I remember,
I still remember how
now he smiles politely fumbling with feelings that find no hold in his
brain,
as he fights endlessly with the shard of memory that only cuts his
heart as he tries to hold on in vain.
I remember
I remember
I wish I
didn't remember forever how it would be,
how now he doesn't even remember
me.
These are two short poems I wrote a few days after 9/11.
Smoke covered men
Running into the fire
Sirens wailing
A mad mans desire
So many lost
With nothing gained
Glistening glass showers
On the pavement rained
Thunder falling
Into the crowded street
Tears for those
Lost so deep
Friends torn apart
Strangers holding hands
A plot to destroy us
United this land.
Two giant skyscrapers
Two towers called twin
Built in admiration
Demolished in sin
Four jet liners
Rising in the sky
Over taken by men
With orders to die
Cowards hiding in desert caves
With a leader so insane
He never knew the world
Upon him we would rain
Hide with your fear
Run from your mistake
But don't think we've lost anything
You had the power to take
Building will fall
Peoples' lives tragically cut short
We will mourn the lost
And rebuild the fort
We will not be afraid
We will not cover our eyes
We won't let our young
Ever forget your lies
No more giant skyscrapers
No more towers called twin
Destroyed by an abomination
The day the war would begin.
Smoke covered men
Running into the fire
Sirens wailing
A mad mans desire
So many lost
With nothing gained
Glistening glass showers
On the pavement rained
Thunder falling
Into the crowded street
Tears for those
Lost so deep
Friends torn apart
Strangers holding hands
A plot to destroy us
United this land.
Two giant skyscrapers
Two towers called twin
Built in admiration
Demolished in sin
Four jet liners
Rising in the sky
Over taken by men
With orders to die
Cowards hiding in desert caves
With a leader so insane
He never knew the world
Upon him we would rain
Hide with your fear
Run from your mistake
But don't think we've lost anything
You had the power to take
Building will fall
Peoples' lives tragically cut short
We will mourn the lost
And rebuild the fort
We will not be afraid
We will not cover our eyes
We won't let our young
Ever forget your lies
No more giant skyscrapers
No more towers called twin
Destroyed by an abomination
The day the war would begin.
Without You
Falling into the empty space
where
you use to lay
and touch my face.
It seems so cold without you
here
To battle my dragons
And soothe my fear
I couldn't watch
you drive away
Even though I know
... We'll be
together soon another day
Every second away from you
I'm drowning
above water
There's nothing I can do
Just know tonight as you fall
asleep
I wish I was there
Because my heart is yours to
keep.
Falling into the empty space
where
you use to lay
and touch my face.
It seems so cold without you
here
To battle my dragons
And soothe my fear
I couldn't watch
you drive away
Even though I know
... We'll be
together soon another day
Every second away from you
I'm drowning
above water
There's nothing I can do
Just know tonight as you fall
asleep
I wish I was there
Because my heart is yours to
keep.